You wouldn’t speak harshly to a close friend or family member who’s hurting—so why do we speak that way to ourselves? (And if you do, then you need to re-evaluate some other things outside of this topic)
The way we talk to ourselves matters more than we realize. Our inner dialogue is like background music that plays all day long. If it’s filled with self-criticism, doubt, and judgment, it affects how we show up in every part of our lives. It will eventually bleed on others you speak to whether you want or mean it to. But the beautiful truth is: you have the power to rewrite that narrative.
Moving from self-criticism to self-compassion isn’t about ignoring your flaws or pretending everything’s perfect. It’s about meeting yourself where you are—with kindness, understanding, and patience. It’s about choosing to be your own safe space, especially when the world feels loud or heavy. If you wish for others to trust you as a safe haven of compassion or releasing stress, then that starts with being safe enough for yourself to trust.
Recognizing the Critical Voice
We all have that inner critic. It might sound like:
- “I’ll never be good enough.”
- “I always mess things up.”
- “Why can’t I just get it together?”
Often, that voice isn’t even truly ours—it’s inherited from past experiences, family patterns, societal pressure, or trauma from things out of your control. But because it’s been around for so long, it feels normal. Familiar. Automatic. And while sometimes that voice can come from shame of woulda, coulda, shouldas, that doesn’t mean that one or two mistakes has to make you who you are. A lot of times, we may learn what we should have done in a situation only after that fact and that can cause much grief and regret, but if it’s in the past, grieve for moment but allow it to stay in the past or else it will always be your future.
The first step to changing your thought process is awareness. Start noticing when your inner voice turns critical. You don’t have to fight it—just witness it. “Ah, there’s that voice again.” Name it if you want. This awareness softens its power and gives you space to choose a different response.
Shifting into Self-Compassion
Once you catch the self-critical thoughts, ask: What would I say to a friend in this moment?
Self-compassion sounds like:
- “I’m doing the best I can with what I know.”
- “It’s okay to feel overwhelmed.”
- “Mistakes don’t define me—they help me grow.”
You can also try this gentle practice: Place your hand on your heart and say something kind to yourself out loud. It may feel strange at first, but your nervous system will respond to the softness. Your body recognizes love—even when it comes from within.
Journaling to Reframe Your Thoughts
A comfortable and easier way to rewrite your inner dialogue is through mindful journaling. Try this simple exercise:
- Write down a self-critical thought you’ve had recently.
- Pause. Breathe.
- Now rewrite it with compassion and truth.
Example:
Criticism: “I’m so lazy. I never get anything done.”
Compassion: “I’ve been tired lately, and that’s okay. I’m listening to my body and moving at my own pace.”
Doing this consistently rewires the way you speak to yourself. Over time, your inner voice becomes a source of encouragement—not judgment.
And lets be clear, while yes healthy critisism is needed to grow and recognize weakness or areas that need improvement, that doesn’t mean the message needs to be delivered harshly, especially towards yourself. And if you are ever faced with cold hearted truth, let it be one time that you need to hear it in order to hold yourself accountable going forward. There is never any way to soften The Truth if it hurts, but that doesn’t mean The Most High delivers messages with harsh and brutal tones or demeaning intentions. Speak The Truth or allow The Truth to spoken to you all the while showing grace and unbiased mindset.
Final Thoughts: Be Your Own Safe Place
Rewriting your inner dialogue is not a one-time shift—it’s a daily choice to return to yourself with gentleness. It’s a spiritual and emotional practice that grows stronger the more you nurture it. You deserve to feel safe in your own mind. You deserve to be loved by the person you spend the most time with—you. So the next time your inner critic speaks up, pause. Listen. Then offer yourself compassion, grace, and a soft place to land after the fall.
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